How do you connect with others?

I connect with others by asking questions about where they are from, their profession, and interests. The theme of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect by John C. Maxwell is that without connection, you cannot communicate effectively with others. The book is divided up into two parts. The first part is entitled Connecting Principles and contains five chapters that lay the foundation on how to connect with others. The chapter entitled “Connecting Increases Your Influence in Every Situation” impacted me because it discussed how vital connecting with others is to your professional and personal life. In my professional life, I have observed individuals who excelled at forming connections with their colleagues and superiors were likely promoted. In my personal life, I have observed that people who were the most popular connected effortlessly with others.

The chapter entitled “Connecting Goes Beyond Words” highlights a study by Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus at UCLA, that found that face-to-face communication consists of three components: verbal communication, non-verbal communication, and visual communication.  All components are important; however, visual communication, followed by non-verbal communication have the most impact on how we are seen by others. As the old saying goes, Actions speak louder than words.

The chapter entitled “Connecting is More Skill Than Natural Talent” focuses on the five factors that effective communicators use that encourage people to listen to them.

The first factor is Relationships: Effective communicators form relationships with people or groups who have influence in the area that they desire access.

The second factor is Insight: Effective communicators generously share their expertise which will cause others to respect and want to connect with them.

The third factor is Success: Effective communicators draw an audience who desires to be successful in the same area of the communicators.

The fourth factor is Ability: Effective communicators who have a high-level of ability in an area attract others to connect with them.

The fifth factor is Sacrifice: Effective communicators who have made sacrifices, overcome obstacles, or suffered tragedies and have remained optimistic despite the circumstances can connect with others.

This chapter stood out to me because growing up as an introvert, I thought that some people were just gifted at connecting with others. In my professional career, I began to realize that connecting with others is something that you have to continuously work at.

The second part of the book is entitled Connecting Practices which gives you practical advice on how to connect with others.

The chapter entitled “Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple” provides five guidelines that effective communicators use to simplify their messages.

1.       Talk to People, Not Above Them: Don’t use professional jargon when communicating with an audience unfamiliar with your area of expertise.

2.       Get to the Point: A direct approach to communication is essential; especially when you have to communicate difficult information.

3.       Say It Over and Over and Over and Over and Over Again: Effective communicators are willing to emphasize a point.

4.       Say It Clearly: Effective communicators speak clearly to allow their audience to understand what they are trying to communicate.

5.       Say Less: Effective communicators don’t overwhelm their audience with too much information.

This chapter made an impression on me because it emphasizes what I need to do as a public speaker to effectively connect with my audience.

The chapter entitled “Connectors Inspire People” resonated with me because I aim to inspire others each time that I speak. This chapter highlights an Inspiration Equation the author developed to describe how effective communicators inspire others.

What They Know + What They See + What They Feel = Inspiration

What They Know: The audience needs to know that you understand them and are focused on them.

What They See: The audience needs to see you are passionate about what you are presenting.

What They Feel: The audience needs to feel that you are passionate about your subject and about their success and well-being.

The chapter entitled “Connectors Live What They Communicate” stood out to me because it reminds me of the old saying “Practice what you preach”. Which essentially means that if you are constantly telling others to do a certain thing or live a certain way, you should be doing it too. Your credibility as an effective communicator is reduced if it is revealed that you don’t practice what you preach.  This chapter highlights the lifestyle of effective communicators which consists of credibility, integrity, accountability, and vulnerability.

Overall, I have learned that to be an effective communicator, you must be passionate about your subject matter, empathetic to the needs of your audience, and consistently seek opportunities to improve your communication skills.